To feel free and yet feel guilty.
To feel scared and yet have faith.
To hope against hope, when all seems lost.
Lost as I was, I was beginning to become braver by the day. I wanted to punish myself, and wanted to just disappear. I wanted to avoid classes just to avoid the misery of facing the famous four. It had been some time now that I had been "delivered" from their hands, given the final punishment so to speak.
This particular day, I went to college only to find Pretty woman in her element. She was distributing chocolates, and obviously my ego, already vaporised, had nothing left in it to even face her. The moment I went it and saw those foil rapped confectionery, I turned around and went right out. At the moment it dint matter if somebody noticed, or if she noticed or whatever. The objective was to keep a low profile and avoid doing anything conspicuous. As that would immediately bring the attention of the Famous four, (Murali, Somesh, Mohan and another) who wouldn't have a chance in hell to humiliate and rubbish me.
Realising that I dint have the heart to attend any more classes, I went to the nearby pool (the board version!) to play a round of 9 ball. A year ago this would have been a sin for me, but its surprising how times change a man...err a guy. So after loosing 90 bucks and still feeling better than at college, I moved on to work.
To avoid meeting the famous guys after college and to earn a bit,I had joined an after college part time job, in a telephone booth. It belonged to a friend of mine, and while the guy drove his auto rickshaw around in the night, I manned barracks from 5pm to 10pm. In the night he dropped me back, or I walked a mile to reach home. The days I spent at the booth were the days I learnt humility and courage. To look for hope in times when your friends had turned foes, and to believe in a higher being when every corner held a terror.
Cheers!!!
MadDy