Sales Fundas

Inspired by the Corporate Manual on Cogito,ergo sum,I decided to have some sales oriented fundas, which sales guys will usually hear in and off the field. Here goes...

Target: 

This is an astronomic number created by consultation from psycho maniacs, multiplied into 3 and then added twice. This will create a number which will be passed from top to bottom of the management chain, while each person in the chain adds on a good 50%. This number is communicated to the last person on the ring and is expected to achieve this "number"

Salary Package:

An amount of money given to you so you survive and.... 

...no thats all. only enough to survive.

Team Work: 

Methodology where you do the work so someone else can get the credit.

Leadership skills:

A person who can take the blame for crappy work and pass on the credit to the boss for good stuff.

Incentive:

A scientific number derived after negating whatever possible from 0, and then assuring you get that amount of the derived number,in a years time IF you achieve your "targets" THROUGHOUT the year

Motivation:

Feeling which makes you do all the crappy work, your colleagues crappy work, listen to your bosses freak out sessions, get ripped off by your client, get a lousy pay and still continue working for the same organisation.

Report:

A systematic way of ensuring that you write or type down whatever you have done over the past week/fortnight/month or all the three, to ensure you know what a crappy work you have done.

360 Appraisal:

A continuous way of making you know that though you have been useless to the company, the company in all its majesty will retain you for the same lousy pay you are already getting. This way of making you know consists of collecting complaints and all problems you have created across all the people you have known, more from people who despise you.

Business Development:

A tactic of knowing what you have been doing each day in every place you visit for your sales call, knowing what your competition is doing in that call on that day, knowing what you can do knowing the previous information to improve what your doing.

And knowing all this your expected to work in the same position.

Month End :

A period during the end of the month, where you try to do 90% of  your target, either by threatening, begging or resolving to unfair practices. Failing which you screw your bosses happiness;who promptly will make sure your booty is put in the worst place possible, like selling refrigerators in Antarctica.

Man!!!